


House of gold

by LinhamonRoll



Category: Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No beta we die like Kenric, Originally Posted on Tumblr, POV Alternating, POV Third Person, literally just these two having self worth issues to the moon and back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:27:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26122705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinhamonRoll/pseuds/LinhamonRoll
Summary: don't think about how sophie's friendship left dex to feel. don't think about how keefe might feel about not noticing while being an empath, again. just don't.
Relationships: Dex Dizznee/Keefe Sencen
Kudos: 20





	House of gold

don't think about the fact that dex never really had any friends before sophie. don't think about the fact that everything was so great at first, he loved her like he'd never loved anyone before and she loved him back in some way ! don't think about the fact that even as she started drifting away, only reaching out when she needed something from him, when he started to go unnoticed, when she only gave him a dismissive “hey” at best he still clung onto their friendship as much as he could. don't think about the fact that one day he finds himself looking in the mirror and feeling alone, so fucking alone and he watches as the tears start to fall on the shower matt and his shoulders are shaking with sobs and it takes all of his will power to take a deep breath and get himself under control before splashing a bit of water on hi face and hoping he wouldnt run into one of the triplets before he go to his room. don't think about the pain he felt hugging a pillow when he had no notification on his imparter, and he bit his lips before the sobs started escaping them anyways. don't think about him lying on his bed, curled up against his pillow just longing for someone to hold him as he finally grieves his and Sophie's friendship. He feels like something is dead.  
don't think about Keefe noticing something is off but not wanting to say anything, bc if something was wrong dex would have told Sophie right ? they were best friends, he was just an acquaintance at best it wasn't his place. He was sure they would talk it over and dex would be fine. don't think about Sophie enhancing him and the overwhelming loneliness he felt. don't think about him excusing himself to light leap home and curl into a ball because Sophie and dex hadn't take it over and he felt so lonely and it was absolutely awful and he should have been there sooner he should have said something and instead the very second he realized how bad it was he fled home instead of comforting him like he should have znd-  
don't think about Keefe blaming himself to the point where reaching out feels impossible. don't think about Keefe feeling so guilty ro I'd worried his mind might break but he doesn't quite feel that bad yet.  
don't think of both of them at a sleepover feeling too shitty to sleep and accidentally meeting under the panake tree. think of Keefe being the close to fleeing again but seeing dexs red rimmed eyes and instead sitting next to him and taking his hand and squeezing it and halfway bite back a sob but then dex pulls him into a hug and they are clinging to each other and sobbing till they don't have tears left and sex has no idea why Keefe feels so bad but he wants to fix it but that too personnal znd he doesn't think Keefe even consieers him a friend. they're just so tired.  
do think about keefe eventually deciding that if he's gonna do one thing, it's to make dex feel better because he owes it to him to do that. He owes him because he never noticed and that's not something anyone could forgive but maybe he can make it up, even a little. and so he notices. He notices when dex wants to leave, when dex probably thinks he's not wanted, and he doesn't force him to stay, but he redirects the conversation to ask him something or another, to make him be part of the convo if he wants to be.   
and dex wants that, he wants that so bad but he doesn't know how to do it, now that he knows all they will ever want from him will be a favour or another, and he refuses to get his hopes up, he refuses to think that keefe doesn't have an ulterior motive, that he isn't doing all of this to get something out of him. but he wants it to be true. so bad.  
think about Keefe ebing properly terrified of asking dex to hang out because he has no reason to want to talk to him right ? He was an asshole, and he had failed him so many times and he absolutely didn't deserve it, but he'd found this new human movie and he wanted to watch it with no one else. He didn't ask, though. he backed off at the last minute. Instead, he offered all of them to watch it together, as a group ! and it's not as good, but it's the next best thing, because dex and him share a look and a snicker when the obvious plot twist comes and everyone else gasps.  
think about dex not knowing what to do with keefe. they don't hang, but he wants to, he wants them to be close, to have with him what he'd had with Sophie, but being too scared of the rug being pulled out under him, or the heartbreak that came with it to even ask. Yet, he finds himself laughing at keefes jokes, and looking at him for approval when he makes one himself because keefe is the only one who even pretends to care about him. He's not foolish enough to believe it anymore, but it's better than indifference.   
think about keefe eventually breaking under the pressure from his dad and the guilt about everything hed ever done to fuck up and hurt his friends, and hes hurt all of them so bad, and he never knew about his mother and he was a fucking empath and he should have known, he should have !   
think about dex finally snapping because he feels so fucking lonely, and touch starved and at least keefe will be okay with holding him if he asks, hes pretty sure, because he does that for fitz when his dad fucks with him head, and he does that for sophie when she hasnt slept in a week, and he does that for biana when she cant stand to look at herself, and he does that for linh when all she can hear is water and he even does that for tam when all he did for the neverseen come crashing down.   
thinkabout dex coming in through the window keefe left open, and think about them holding each other to sleep. think about keefe apologizing again and again and again to dex, not even a tenth of how sorry he really is, and think about dex trying to keep himself from believing him because friends are a scam and he can't go through that hurt again.   
think about them hanging out a bit on their own at havenfield when they happen to be the ones there. think about dex leaning on keefe during movie nights because he just needs to feel someone and keefe is right there and he loves doing anything he can for dex. think about keefe coming over to dex and flopping down on the bed whenever he needs to get out of the house. think about dex slowly starting to believe that maybe there's no end goal. maybe keefe is just... his friend. think about Keefe not thinking he even deserves to be called dex acquaintance let alone friend.  
think about keefe noticing small things about dex he never knew about before. think about the way he discovers that while he does have dimples, the creases around his eyes are way more interesting to look out when he smiles. think about how he discovers the calluses on his hands from working with power tools. think about Keefe laying awake at night thinking about these things only he got to see because he paid attention, and realizing that he loved all of them. that he loved all of dex.  
think about the sheer panic and hurt that floods dex when keefe says “i need you do do something for me” think about keefe realizing his screw up and panicking because he already knew this wasn't going to end well but he didn't want to lose his friend either. he could deal with rejection, he was gonna deal with rejection and that was okay because he was pretty sure that if dex could forgive him for going neverseen he could forgive him for being in love with him, eventually. think about him grabbing dexs hand on instinct and guilt crushing him because of the pain he was feeling, the pain he had caused. think about him very quietly apologizing for saying that, that dex didn't need to do anything, that he wasn't even going to ask. 

think about the sheer shock when keefe finally said “im.. im in love with you dex.” because it was impossible. He was willing to believe Keefe wanted to be his friend, maybe, but no one ever fell in love with him. that didn't happen. Keefe wanted something. think about him swallowing back tears and asking “what do you want, keefe ?” in lieu of an answer. think about Keefe placing dexs fingers on his wrist so he could feel his heart beat when he said “you. i want to be with you whichever way you'll have me, as long as you'd like me to stay.” and dex realizing his heart had not skipped.   
think about quiet nights. think about them holding each other when they felt like falling apart. think about dex reminding keefe everyday that he is forgiven, that he is worthy when he says “i love you ''. think about dex placing dexs hand on his heart when he starts to doubt any of it is real, and saying “i love you” knowing his heart will be beating as much as he had been before. think about them.

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone !! this was originally some headcanon i made, and ran away with. it is only minorly edited, so if you catch any errors feel free to let me know in the comments or on tumblr @linhamon-roll ::D


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